


with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide

by villklovn



Series: life (and all its fragile intricacies) [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Animal Death, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Ben Feels, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Cute Kids, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grace is best mom 2020, Hiding Medical Issues, Hurt/Comfort, I will never be able to top the level of cute in this story, Kid Fic, Numbers as Names, Sick Character, Sickfic, THIS IS SO CUTE, actual comfort guys!, babie Ben, every hour is Ben feels hour in this house, kid Ben is BABIE, kid Five is smart but doesn’t know everything so he is confused, kid Four is adorable and wants to hug everyone, prompt: Hiding an illness, smol, softe, somehow the Horror is cute too, they don’t have names yet, they're all five years old, they're babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22566151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villklovn/pseuds/villklovn
Summary: Little Number Six is afraid of the Horror. One day he gets sick, which makes the monsters inside him stop wriggling under his skin. He won’t tell anyone because he doesn’t want to get better if it means that the monsters will get better too.His family has something to say about that.(For the Bad Things Happen Bingo. Prompt: "Hiding an Illness".)
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Ben Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Everyone, Ben Hargreeves & Grace Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben and the Horror, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves
Series: life (and all its fragile intricacies) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590931
Comments: 38
Kudos: 200
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TotallynotRemus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotallynotRemus/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift for my lovely friend [Remus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotallynotRemus/profile)! They're a sweetheart and deserve the world and I've known them for only a few months, but in this short time I've had the pleasure to see them grow and improve every day and I feel so lucky to have made such a nice friend and UGH I'm gonna CRY I love you Rem <3
> 
> So this was supposed to be like, short. Lmao. I wrote 4.2k words in a day. I am God's mistake
> 
> Also. The kids are five years old. So, since it's from five year old Ben's POV, I experimented with a peculiar style, meant to reflect the flow of consciousness as it would manifest in a kid. I have no idea if I have succeeded or not. But I had SO MUCH FUN writing this.
> 
> Also this is remarkably fluffy in comparison to all my other works, so consider yourself blessed, I almost died of the cute while writing
> 
> This is for the "Bad Things Happen Bingo", for the prompt "Hiding an Illness".
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

Number Six lives in a big house with four brothers, two sisters, a monkey butler, a beautiful mom and a very rich father.  
  
He also lives in a tiny body with scary monsters inside it.  
  
When he was three years old, while playing with his siblings, all of them with long white ropes (they were very weird ropes, since sometimes they glowed) stuck to their temples, Father looking at them from the other side of the room, the Horror had come out for the first time.  
  
He doesn’t remember too well, but Father says it was because Four had screamed (probably at a ghost) and then had started crying, which then made Seven cry (they still thought she had powers, back then, and then Father found out she didn’t, which was weird but they all still loved her, even if she was just ordinary), which had spooked him, and had made his powers finally wake up. One and Five and Two and Four had already known what their powers were, and Three would find out the magic words soon. That day, suddenly, Six’s tummy had hurt _a lot_ and he had started crying and then huge tentacles had come out of his belly and destroyed his toys and scared all of his siblings (even One and Five who were never scared of anything!) and maybe even Father, a little bit.  
  
And Six didn’t say it back then, but he thinks They scared him more than They scared the others, because he remembers that he used to be able to feel the monsters move under his skin even when They were still sleeping, when They hadn’t come out yet, and he had thought it was normal for his tummy to rumble and move and shift, and then when They had woken up and gotten out They were _very_ angry (had they slept too much? Mom says sleeping too much makes him grumpy so maybe that’s why they were mad) and he couldn’t control Them and he was afraid They would hurt his siblings. He was very, very scared.  
  
The ‘Horror’ is the name that he chose for Them. Two has a hard time saying it, sometimes, but he says he likes it even if it’s hard for him to say all those letters. Six is happy that Two likes it, since he really likes Two. Four wanted him to call Them ‘Magic Scary Monsters’ and Six thought it was a good name but maybe a bit too long, so he chose Horror. (He thinks it’s a bit weird that the monsters have a name, and he just has a number, but his siblings all have numbers and they like their numbers, especially Five, so maybe it’s not that weird.)  
  
Sometimes Six thinks the Horror wants to speak to him. He hears some weird voices, but when he turns around, no one is there. Four hears voices too, but he says that he also _sees_ who they belong to, even if everyone else doesn’t. Father says Four can see ghosts, and ghosts are like people but they’re dead and invisible, and Six didn’t think that was too bad, at first, but Four once told him that most times they’re ugly and scary and angry, so Six changed his mind – he doesn’t know if he’d prefer the ghosts to his Horror.  
  
Probably not, because the Horror is scary and painful and always hungry, but never for the food he eats, and Six is always afraid he won’t be able to control Them. But Four can’t control the ghosts either, and they don’t let him sleep and they make him cry and sometimes they tell him to do things and he gets hurt, like when the ghost of a boy told him to jump from the bed and he broke his arm. The Horror never wants him to get hurt, so at least Six feels safe.  
  
The ghosts seem to hate Four, at least some of them, so it makes sense that Four is scared of them. But Six thinks that the Horror wants to be his friend. Sometimes he cries after a nightmare or when something bad happens, like when they were four and Father told them that Seven was sick and had to be away for a while (Three had come and talked to all of them, soon after, but Six doesn’t remember what she said, so it must not have been too important, even if Three looked sad) and he started crying because he was scared that their little sister wouldn’t come back, and when he cries the Horror always moves around in his belly and tickles him to make him giggle. So, They’re not always bad. Maybe he shouldn’t be scared, Six thinks.  
  
They killed a bird, though, once. It was a pretty bird that had landed on Three’s window – she has such a nice room, of course the birdie chose to go there – and she had called them to see it and to hear it sing. And then, all of a sudden, the Horror had woken up and come out and the bird was gone and there was just blood in its place, and it got on Six’s clothes and face and on Three’s pretty curtains, and Three was crying and so were Four and Seven, while the others just had red eyes (because Father said big boys don’t cry, and One and Two and Five were all big boys, but Mom said big boys can hug their sisters and smaller brothers to help them stop crying and so they were hugging the others, but no one was hugging Six).  
  
They looked at him like maybe they thought he had wanted to hurt the bird. Six promises he hadn’t. The bird was pretty and the song was nice and he had never wanted to hurt anyone or anything (even if he did, sometimes, because Father told him to do it or because the Horror was hungry), and he also knew that Three cared about it and he would never do something to hurt her.  
  
Then he started crying, too, and apologized and said he didn’t want it to happen, and Three wiped her tears and hugged him and said it was okay, that she was just a bit sad and scared, but she loved him anyways. One had looked a bit mad, still, but he had also smiled a tiny smile at him, so Six had known he was forgiven.  
  
But that instance had scared Six a lot because it had taught him _what_ the Horror was hungry for. It wasn’t food, not even Mom’s waffles. They wanted blood, blood of tiny animals or maybe even people, and Six was terrified They would eat one of his siblings.  
  
He can’t read well, not yet, but Five has already read some books and last month he said that there are things called ‘vampires’, monsters that drink the blood of other people to survive. Six thought that the Horror might be a vampire, or that maybe _he_ is the vampire. Five said vampires are bad and can’t be in the sun or they’ll become dust, but Six loves the sun and being out in the yard in summer, so he really hopes he’s not a vampire because he doesn’t want to become dust.  
  
Six cried the first time he was in the sun after that, but One hugged him and asked him why he was crying and Six told him it was because he was afraid he would become dust, but One told him it wasn’t possible and if he did then he would save him, and that made Six feel better because One was bigger than him and very strong and he was always right because he was Number One and he wouldn’t be One if he was wrong. Five also apologized for scaring him and held his hand and said he was sure Six wasn’t a vampire because vampires were evil and he wasn’t, and maybe the Horror was a vampire but Six was just a boy.  
  
The thing is, Six doesn’t think the Horror is a vampire because he doesn’t think the Horror is evil. The Horror tickles him when he is sad, and when he is scared he hears low voices from nowhere that sound like many people singing songs in ancient languages he doesn’t know, and he never told anyone, but he thinks those voices are the Horror’s voice, singing to him to make him less afraid. They’re not evil, They’re just hungry, and Six doesn’t give them blood so They need to find it on their own.  
  
So, when Father brings mice to him and the Horror takes them and kills them, They’re just doing it because they’re hungry, not because They’re evil. Six always tries not to look because all the blood scares him, but it always ends up on his face and clothes and then Mom has to clean him up and wash his uniform. (He wonders if Four can see the mice’s ghosts and if they’re angry at him because Six killed them. Six hopes they’re not, Four is already scared by the ghosts he sees, he doesn’t need Six’s ghosts to be mad at him too.)  
  
The Horror isn’t evil, probably, but They still scare him _a lot_. And They scare his siblings too. Except Four, because Four isn’t scared by Them, just by the blood, but that’s because Four isn’t scared of anything but his ghosts and the Horror has never hurt him or made him get hurt while the ghosts have, so Six understands that.  
  
He likes Four, maybe more than all the others. He gives him many hugs and laughs when the Horror tickles him through Six’s skin, while everyone else usually looks a bit disgusted when it happens. Everyone else also looks a bit disgusted when Four talks about the ghosts, too, but Six doesn’t because they don’t sound as disgusting as the mice and the blood, so that’s probably why they get along so well.

The Horror likes Four more than anyone else, too, maybe because the Horror is friends with the ghosts like Six is friends with Four, so the Horror sometimes tickles him when Four is crying, and Six thinks They do it to tell him to go hug Four, so he does it and the Horror makes them both laugh by tickling them.  
  
The Horror isn’t too bad, maybe, but Six is still scared of Them. He wishes someone strong like One or super smart like Five would have gotten the monsters because they would for sure be able to control Them, but he is just Six and he is small and shy and scared of everything and cries a lot and wants hugs and Father tells him he has to stop being _weak_ and _foolish_ and that he has to learn to control his powers, but he _can’t_.  
  
He thinks, sometimes, he wants to be the Horror’s friend, too, just like the Horror wants to be his friend, but he doesn’t think it can work out. He doesn’t really think the Horror will want to hurt his family (except maybe Father because sometimes he’s mean), but he’s still scared that one day the Horror will be too hungry and They will decide to eat one of his siblings, maybe Seven because she’s tiny and powerless or Four because he’s always close to him and hugs him a lot and wouldn’t fight back. He just wants everyone to be safe, even if the Horror suffers, even if the Horror is his friend, a bit, but his siblings were his friends before the Horror was so he can’t let them get hurt.  
  
So when, one day, he starts feeling bad and notices that the Horror is quieter, calmer, he thinks that maybe he shouldn’t tell Mom, because Mom will make him better and making _him_ better will also make _Them_ better, and if They’re okay then They might eat his siblings and he’s scared of that, and he decides that being sick is better than being scared.  
  
Six doesn’t get sick too often, really. Mom says it’s because he eats all his greens and goes to bed on time, but Father says it’s because of the Horror, he says that They protect him from most of the illnesses. Six doesn’t know whom to believe, but he likes Mom’s theory more, because it means he’s doing something right and maybe he can’t control the Horror but at least he can be good at following orders.  
  
(Four always complains about bedtime, because he’s scared the mean ghosts will get him while he sleeps, and Seven complains about eating her greens and oatmeal, and Six secretly thinks that’s why they get sick so often, and that’s why Seven doesn’t have any powers and Four often gets mean ghosts instead of nice ones.)  
  
Six feels lucky that the Horror isn’t too mean, even if They scare him sometimes, and maybe it’s because he’s a good boy who doesn’t complain about bedtime and greens. He thinks the Horror may need greens and sleep, too, and that’s why They like him, even if he can’t give Them blood, because he gives Them the other important things.  
  
Still, sometimes, Six gets the flu, especially if one of the others had it.  
  
This time it was Five, who decided to stay up reading a big book until it was really late, and the next day he wasn’t feeling good but he still trained out in the courtyard, even if it was raining, so he got a bad cold and Mom had to give him the bad medicine. She says it’s supposed to help them, but it’s so bad that Six really doesn’t understand how it can help.  
  
Five was whining a lot about it, and his eyes were red and his face was all wet and his hair was all sticky, and he kept sniffling and almost sounded like he was about to _cry_ , so when he said that he wanted Six to hold his hand while Mom gave him the bad medicine Six was more than happy to help him, because Five is never sad and never cries and seeing him upset made him feel all bad inside, bad like when the Horror is so hungry They won’t let him sleep.  
  
He stayed with Five until bedtime and told him a story he made up, and he felt a bit bad that he can’t read yet because Five always reads stories to him when he’s upset, and he knows the story he made up wasn’t too good but Five seemed happy so he stayed with him until the medicine made him sleepy. Mom covered Five with a fluffy blanket and then took Six by the hand and said he was being a very good brother. Six was very proud of that.  
  
He is a bit less proud when he wakes up with his nose stuffed and his head aching and all covered in sweat, three days later. He’s happy he helped Five, but lately he has been working really hard trying to prove that he’s strong enough to control the Horror and now he’s not even strong enough to help his brother without falling sick.  
  
Six knows that if he says he’s feeling too bad to go to lessons and training, Father will just shake his head and look at him like he looks at Two when he can’t say words well or at Four when he cries about the ghosts or at Seven all the time (he doesn’t get why Father doesn’t like Seven, she’s always nice with everyone and gives nice hugs). Six hates it when Father looks at _any_ of them like that, but especially when he looks at _him_ like that because he knows it means that he’s not strong enough to control the Horror and Father is always right, even if he’s mean, and if Father thinks he’s not strong enough then it means that the Horror might hurt his siblings.  
  
So Six doesn’t say anything, just gets up and gets ready and then goes downstairs to have breakfast. He gets there last, but he’s still on time because the voice of the man saying things hasn’t started yet, so Father doesn’t yell at him. The others all look a bit tired, so he hopes they won’t notice him sniffling and tell Mom.  
  
“Sit,” Father orders, and all of them sit down at the same time.  
  
Six isn’t really hungry, but he knows everyone will think it’s weird if he doesn’t eat, so he has a bit of bread and cheese, and then sips his orange juice slowly. When he looks up, Seven meets his eyes and smiles at him, before looking back at her plate. Five is in front of him and he looks more tired than usual, but he’s eating which means the bad medicine and the story worked and he’s feeling better. Six looks around the table and sees that One is smiling at Three and Two is stabbing his eggs with his fork as if it were a knife. Four is moving food around the plate, his eyes blinking slowly like he hasn’t really woken up all the way, and Six thinks he looks worse than him, so he hopes he’s safe for now. He nudges Four quietly with his right elbow, and Four looks up and smiles at him.  
  
Six is happy because everyone else seems happy and he can’t feel the Horror, but he still feels quite bad. He only managed to drink half of his juice and a bit of the bread, but he feels full already. He hopes no one will look at his plate.  
  
“Dismissed,” says Father, and everyone gets up, chairs scraping on the floor.  
  
Six is the last one to get up. Mom comes to clean up the plates and he can see that she makes a strange face while looking at his almost full plate, but, luckily, she doesn’t say anything. They have their morning lessons, after breakfast, so he hurries to the library Pogo uses to teach them stuff. His tummy rumbles, but it’s not as bad as when the Horror is hungry, so he doesn’t mind too much.  
  
Everyone is sitting down when he gets there, and he takes his place in the back, between Five and Seven. Four turns around and waves at him, and Six waves back. He feels a bit better, because he thinks he may actually be able to hide that he’s sick, and if he can hide it forever then the Horror will _never_ come out again and his family will be _safe_. He feels a bit bad, but he can do this. He may not be Number One but he is strong enough to survive through class, even if his head and tummy hurt.  
  
Pogo is teaching them to read and write, so he writes some words on the board, and they’re expected to copy them in their notebooks. “Children,” he says, voice scratchy, using a ruler to point to them, “please be careful while copying these words. When you are done, I will teach you how to read them, and then Master Hargreeves wants you to write them in cursive, too”. At the last remark, most of them groan. Cursive is _the worst_. It’s very hard, and Six can’t quite remember what the difference is between ‘d’ and ‘b’, and he knows he will mess up and when it happens Father will be disappointed, but he doesn’t complain like the others. Not because he doesn’t want to, since he really does, but just because his stomach is doing funny flips and he’s afraid if he opens his mouth he will puke, and he _hates_ puking, he hates it more than writing in cursive. So he stays silent.   
  
He gets to work, and focuses really hard on the ‘d’ and ‘b’ in the word ‘disturbance’, which is a very long and hard word, in his opinion, and he knows ‘d’ and ‘b’ aren’t the same and in cursive they look very different, but he doesn’t often remember which is which.  
  
He can feel Five staring at him from his left. Five taught himself to read because he’s really smart, so Pogo allows him to just read books during these classes. “Hey, Six,” Five whispers, “you skipped a letter,” he says, and then points to his notebook, “there”. Six smiles at him in thanks, and writes the word all over again, and his handwriting looks more squiggly than usual because his tummy is hurting a lot more now and he wants to curl up in bed and cry, but he can’t so he just sits there and writes.  
  
He’s probably making more mistakes than usual, because he can tell Five is staring at him again. And Five was sick, too, so he knows how it feels better than the others. Six almost starts panicking because if Five thinks something is wrong, then he might tell Mom, but Six calms down when he realizes he just has to start focusing more on writing the words. He takes a big breath and focuses really hard, and soon he can see most of the mistakes he made, and he fixes them quickly. Five stops staring, then, but Six knows his brother, and Five will be paying more attention to him after this, which means he has to work even _harder_ to hide that he’s feeling bad.  
  
He almost cries for real when he realizes that, because he’s already feeling very bad at the moment, and he has to stop himself from running to Mom and asking for help. He has to do this to protect his family.  
  
The lesson ends soon, and luckily Pogo just tells them how to read the words without asking them to repeat what he said, which means Six doesn’t have to speak, and that’s good because of he speaks he’ll end up asking for Mom or puking. “Children, you’re free to go,” the old butler says, and they all get up and start talking to each other.   
  
Six leaves the room, not too fast, but when he’s out of the door he walks as fast as he can, while hugging his stomach, and gets in the bathroom. It’s not the one closest to the class, because he knows his siblings will hear him if he makes noises and goes there, but it’s still close enough that he has time to get in, stand on his toes to lock the door, and reach the toilet before he throws up his breakfast.  
  
He tries to be quiet, but he _hates_ puking, and it hurts his throat and his nose is running and he’s crying and he wants Mom to hug him and tuck him into bed (and maybe he wants his monsters to tickle his belly and make him laugh), but the Horror has been asleep all day and even if he feels awful, he feels _safe_ , because he knows he can’t hurt anyone like this. A bit of puke is better than a lot of blood, anyways.

He throws up again, and then flushes the toilet. He gets to the sink and stands on the wooden stool Pogo made for them to reach the sink and washes his hands and brushes his teeth carefully.  
  
They have group training after their lessons, and usually Father makes them run to see who is the fastest or makes them play cops and thieves to see who is the best at making plans (Five wins almost every time, and it’s not fair, but Seven isn’t even allowed to join and that’s even less fair, and Six knows seeing Five win makes her a bit happier, at least, and he thinks Five works harder than all of them just to make her smile). Six isn’t too good at any of those games, because he’s smaller than all his brothers and slower than Three, but sometimes he ‘performs adequately’ in cops and thieves when he teams up with Five, because he’s super smart, or with Four, because he comes up with the craziest plans and sometimes they even _work_ which always makes Five get mad and it’s very funny.  
  
What isn’t going to be funny is the scolding Six is going to get if he throws up on his shoes or if he doesn’t participate enough. He goes into his room and quickly changes into the green uniform they use for physical training, before walking towards the training room. He stops near the entrance and takes a big breath before going inside. The first person he sees is Seven, standing close to Father with a little weird clock in her hand.  
  
“Children, today you shall race each other. Remember that you must strive to improve yourselves, first and foremost, but never forget that you are part of a team, and as such you must also be able to work together. Number Seven here will keep the time, and I will take notes on your,” a beat, “improvement,” Father concludes, eyes focusing on Four and Six, who always end up at the back of the race. Six would normally feel embarrassed about it, but today he doesn’t. Being slow all the time means that if he is in the last place, today, it won’t seem weird.  
  
Seven steps forward and raises the clock, turning around to nod at Father. Six and his other siblings get in position, in a neat line, and start running at Father’s firm “now!”. Two takes the lead, as he often does, just as good as One at physical activities but lighter and more agile, followed by One and then Three and Five, and Four and Six behind them.  
  
Six doesn’t think he will puke again, mostly because his belly is empty, but running is making his head hurt even more than it already did, and he can’t breathe too well with his nose all stuffed up. They run up the stairs and Six was doing almost fine before that, but the stairs are too hard and his whole body hurts, so he’s very slow. Four notices and he slows down a bit, and so does Five, and Six appreciates it but he also knows that Father will blame them, too, for being slower than they should be. He doesn’t want them to get The Stare, and he doesn’t want to get it, either, but he’s okay with it as long as the Horror stays asleep and quiet and doesn’t kill anyone.  
  
They reach the top, finally, and Seven clicks on the clock. Father takes notes, in silence, but then he raises his head. “Adequate performance, Number One to Three. Number Four to Six, perhaps I shall start to train you three separately from the others, because you are inexplicably getting worse and that is unacceptable. Next time I expect you three to achieve better results, or I will have to design a harsher training regime to get you three to a decent level,” he reprimands them, eyes cold, and Six almost cries but doesn’t because Father hates weakness and it’ll make everything worse, but also he hates himself for having caused Four and Five to get in trouble.  
  
He thinks of why he’s doing this, again, and he realizes that his brothers having more training is better than his brothers being eaten by the Horror, so he feels a bit better than before.  
  
Father looks at them and makes a face at Six’s flushed skin a sweaty brow. “Dismissed,” he says, before turning around and leaving.  
  
As soon as he’s gone, One, Two and Three start to giggle a bit at their expense, and Six feels even hotter than before at that. His eyes burn and his head hurts and he can’t breathe very well and he wants Mom.  
  
“Stop it,” Five says, while Four just pokes his tongue out at them, and then Two pokes his tongue out at him, and they start making silly faces at each other.

Two and Four get along really well, kind of like Five and Seven, or One and Three, and Six likes Four and Five a lot but he doesn’t think Four likes him as much as he likes Two, because Two is brave and strong and funny and makes Four laugh a lot, while Six is quiet and scared and shy and needs many hugs. He thinks Four needs many hugs, too, and that’s the only reason why Four likes him at all. Five likes Six, too, but he likes Seven more because she’s quiet and smart and Five likes quiet and smart. All of them have best friends, but Six doesn’t. He’s friends with all of his siblings and he likes everyone and he thinks everyone likes him, but nobody wants to be his best friend. Except maybe the Horror, but after this They won’t like him anymore, either. 

Four and Two start squabbling and One and Three join in, while Five just takes his hand and drags him out. “They’re _babies_ ,” Five says, and he sounds just as irritated as Father, and Six thinks it’s his fault that Five is angry so he doesn’t say anything. He feels so bad. He feels sick, his head hurts and his tummy hurts and he feels weak and his nose is stuffed and he can’t breathe and his eyes burn and he wants to feel the Horror because he misses Them and feels empty, but he can’t be selfish and They are dangerous and make him dangerous so he can’t say anything. He wants to cry but if he does, Five will panic (because Five panics whenever one of them cries) and bring him to Mom and he can’t let that happen.  
  
Five brings him to the closest bathroom and makes him sit on the floor. He grabs some toilet paper and passes it to him, and he blows his nose loudly into it and wipes his eyes. Five fills a glass with water from the sink and brings it to him and he drinks it, sipping very slowly, but he puts down the glass because the water is making him feel worse and he’s trembling.  
  
“Are you sick?” Five asks him, his voice quiet, soft like when he talks to Seven and sometimes to him, too. Five when he’s like this is the best Five, in Six’s opinion. It’s the same Five who wanted Six to hold his hand while he was sick because he wanted someone with him and didn’t want Seven to see him as weak, because they’re all supposed to protect Seven, because she’s small and ordinary and sweet, and Five takes his role very seriously. Five wants to protect all of them, Six thinks, even One and Two who are bigger than him, and Four who always makes him mad. Even Six who has monsters in his stomach, and he knows They scare Five, but Five still wants to protect him because he’s _Five_.  
  
Six shakes his head rapidly, and then he wishes he hadn’t because it hurts worse than before.  
  
“Six,” says Five, and even in his young voice, it sounds a bit like Father because when Father uses that voice Six knows he _has_ to obey or ‘face the consequences’, which usually means that he will be sent to bed without food and the Horror will keep him awake by squirming in hunger. “Don’t lie,” Five continues, and now he sounds a bit like Pogo because Pogo tells them that lying is bad and Six doesn’t want to be bad so he almost never lies (Four lies a lot because he says it’s funny, and Six doesn’t agree because there is nothing funny about _the consequences_ ). He knows he’s lying right now and that means he’s being bad but he’s doing it for a good reason, so he doesn’t say anything. Not saying anything isn’t lying, so it’s fine.  
  
Five sighs and puts a hand on Six’s forehead like Mom does when she thinks they’re sick. Mom’s eyes flash blue when he scans their temperature, but Five’s eyes stay the same green as always. He looks a bit confused. “I don’t know why Mom does this. I can’t tell if you’re sick just by touching your forehead,” he says, and he almost looks upset, and Six knows it’s because Five _hates_ not knowing something. “I’m bringing you to Mom,” Five declares, and then takes Six’s hand and drags him up.  
  
Six stumbles but doesn’t fall. He stands and he feels hot all over and he doesn’t know if it’s the flu or the panic that Mom will find out and make him better and the Horror will wake up again and be _mad_ at him and then take revenge on his siblings. He doesn’t think the Horror is evil, but what if They are and They are a vampire and They are so hungry They eat his siblings and his Father and Mom and Pogo and even him and then everyone is dead and it’s _his fault_ because he’s not strong enough and not brave enough and he’s scared and wants _Mom_ –  
  
Six is crying a lot, and making noises, and he can’t breathe, and then Five hugs him.  
  
Five’s hugs are _special_. He almost never hugs anyone because he says they’re icky. He doesn’t say ‘icky’, but he still means _icky_. Four tries to hug him all the time, and Five always moves away, or jumps away with his powers when he has enough energy, and sometimes he’ll just sigh, but other times he’ll scream at Four and sometimes Four doesn’t care, but other times Four gets sad and then Five has to say sorry to stop Four from crying (because Five hates making any of them cry) and try to tell him that he just doesn’t like hugs but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like _Four_. Six can understand that, but he also knows that Four hugs everyone so much because he wants to be comforted because he’s scared of the ghosts, and a hug means they’re alive and not ghosts, but Five doesn’t know that and Six is good at keeping secrets. Six can hug Four enough for both of them, anyways.  
  
Still. Sometimes, very few times, Five will hug one of them and it always feels very special, like when Mom bakes cookies or a cake for them, or when Father compliments them, or when Pogo buys them gifts in secret. Those things don’t happen very often, but when they do, they’re the best things _ever_.  
  
The hug makes Six calm down almost immediately. As soon as he feels better, he steps back from the hug because he knows Five doesn’t like hugs, even if Six does, and Five only did it because, to him, hugs are better than crying siblings. Six wipes his tears with the paper, and he notices that Five’s shoulder is wet and he almost laughs. Five will _hate_ that.  
  
“Feel better?” Five asks, and Six nods at him.  
  
“Yeah,” he says, and his voice sounds scratchy and his throat hurts, but he doesn’t care. “Please don’t tell Mom,” he says, and then regrets it because he has to explain why.  
  
Five looks confused and then his eyes narrow. “Why can’t I tell Mom?” he questions, and soft Five is gone and replaced by almost-like-Father Five.  
  
Six steps back a bit. His head feels very heavy. “Just, just wait until after lunch? Maybe food helps,” he almost begs, and he thinks he did a very good job of finding a way to avoid going to Mom because he will have time to work on pretending he’s feeling better.  
  
Five doesn’t look too sure, but he nods. “Okay,” he says, simply, and turns to leave.  
  
They have just enough time to change back into their uniforms for lunch, before they have to get downstairs and listen to the voice of the guy talking. “Sit,” Father says, and, as always, they sit down at the same time, and One and Two start to eat very fast and Three and Seven eat slow and politely and Four pushes away the carrots and focuses on the chicken in front of him, while Five stares at Six and Six stares at him before focusing on his food.  
  
The chicken reminds him of the bird on Three’s window. The thought almost makes him throw up again, and he know he can’t possibly eat now or he _will_ puke on his shoes and Father will be mad and Mom will find out and she will make him better and make the Horror better and then _everyone_ is going to _die_.  
  
Six tries to eat the carrots, and a bit of bread, but he feels full even before his first bite, so he just pushes the food around the plate. He can tell Five is looking at him and he’s going to know that he’s sick if he doesn’t eat but he just _can’t_. The voice of the guy speaking in the radio feels both very loud and very quiet to Six, with his head hurting and pulsing and his ears plugged by the cold, and he feels very hot and he can’t breathe well and he’s scared of Father being mad and of Mom finding out and of Five not trusting him ever again because he _lied_ and of Pogo telling him he was bad and of the Horror waking up angry and not wanting to be his friend and eating _everyone_ –  
  
He feels suddenly worse and gets off the chair and then everything goes black.  
  
After what feels like both seconds and hours, to him, Six wakes up, and he’s staring at the ceiling of the dining room, and he can’t hear very well, but he can see Mom smiling down at him and he knows he’ll be okay, now, even if the Horror wakes up, because Mom is there and Mom will make everything right.  
  
He looks around a bit, and he can only see Five and Seven on one side, and Four on the other. Five looks a bit shocked, which is weird because it’s really hard to shock him, and he’s holding Seven who looks very scared, but not as much as Four, who’s all pale and staring at him like he’s seen a ghost – which is probably what he's thinking, since he saw Six fall with his eyes closed and he probably thinks that Six died and is a ghost. Six tries to smile up at Four a bit, but it doesn’t look like it works. Four still looks scared, and Six feels worse than he already feels for scaring his brother.  
  
His thoughts are interrupted by a gentle hand laying on his head. Mom’s eyes flash blue for a moment, before she turns around. “Number One, sweetheart, could you come and pick your brother up? We need to bring him to the infirmary, I’m afraid he caught a nasty case of the flu,” Grace’s soft, comforting voice says, and then One appears and Six can tell he was very scared, too, because he helps him up carefully and then turns around to offer him a piggyback ride, holding his legs gently, which isn’t very common for One, who isn’t used to regulating his strength.  
  
They get to the infirmary fast, but time is flowing a bit weirdly for Six, so he doesn’t know if it was actually fast or really slow and his head is just not working right.  
  
One lays him on the gurney gently, and Mom takes a warm blanket to cover him, before putting a wet rag on his head and a thermometer in his mouth. She uses it to confirm that her sensors were accurate, and they usually are but she still checks because she’s very good at being Mom and caring for them. Six closes his eyes as she walks around the room, listening to the gentle noise of her skirt swirling as she moves. The thermometer bleeps, and Grace comes to pick it up. “Oh, honey. 102,5 °F – that’s quite high. You must have gotten it from your brother Five. You’re going to have to take the medicine, now,” Mom tells him, her hand blissfully cold on his flushed cheek.  
  
Six groans at the idea of the bad medicine. He doesn’t want it. “No, Mom,” he pleads.  
  
Grace’s smile falls. “Why didn’t you say you were feeling sick? You know you can tell me everything, sweetie,” she says, and holds his hand. Six almost cries. He wanted this so bad, but now he knows what _cost_ he’ll have to pay, and he feels sad and scared. _Everyone_ is going to _die_ and it’ll be _his_ fault because he was too _weak_.   
  
Hot tears start to fall from his eyes, and his head hurts worse, but he can’t stop crying. “I, I thought. The Horror is calm because I’m sick, so I didn’t wanna get better because then the Horror gets better,” he explains, through small sobs, and he knows he sounds pathetic and Father would call him weak but he doesn’t care at all because Father is _right_. “I wanted to protect you all from Them,” he continues, and then he feels too tired to continue, but he knows she gets what he can’t say, which is that he wanted to protect them and be strong but he failed because he isn’t strong at all.  
  
Grace uses a tissue to wipe his tears gently. “None of that, none of that, now. Honey, that was very sweet of you, wanting to protect us, but what you did was very dangerous, and you may have gotten very sick and maybe injured yourself during training. Please never do that again, you gave your siblings and myself such a fright, collapsing like that in the middle of lunch! Poor Four was nearly beside himself with panic,” she tells him, and Six feels like the worst brother in the world, because not only is he not strong enough to control the Horror or hide his illness so that the Horror will be asleep, but he also ended up scaring his siblings.  
  
He sniffles, and more tears fill his eyes. “Please don’t tell Dad,” he chokes out, and then Grace uses a clean tissue to wipe more of his tears, shushing him, whispering comforting words. She replaces the rag on his forehead with a fresh one.  
  
At that moment, he notices that maybe they’re not quite as alone as he believed. He hears a noise that sounds a small whimper, and he turns his head to the left and sees all his siblings standing by the door. Four is still pale and his eyes are wide and scared and full of tears, and everyone else looks scared and sad, too, Seven holding Five’s hand and One hugging Three.  
  
The moment he sees them he covers his face with his hands and starts sobbing again, because this day has been scary and painful and he wanted to cry since the moment he woke up and now it seems like he can’t stop.  
  
Four runs to him and hugs him, awkwardly because Six is laying down and he’s standing, but it’s still nice and Six uses his arms to hug him back as best as he can. “Please don’t cry,” says Four, and he sounds all choked up and it only makes Six cry harder because it’s his fault. “It’s okay, we were just scared,” he says, and then he steps back and wipes his eyes. (Four always cries when one of them cries. Mom says it’s because he has a lot of ‘empathy’, and Six doesn’t know what that means, but it makes him feel bad because he made Four cry but also better because he feels less alone and less weak when he’s not the only one crying.)  
  
After Four lets him go, in rapid succession, Seven hugs him, and after her it’s Three’s turn, and they all look like they may have cried a bit, but Six has stopped sobbing at least. Even Two hugs him, and it’s short but also super tight and Six feels safe and protected because Two is not One but he’s still bigger and stronger than him and will protect Six and all of them from the monsters.   
  
When Two steps back, One comes closer and holds Six’s hand. “Why didn’t you say you’re sick? Dad lets us skip training when we’re sick, if we tell him,” he says, and he seems very confused because all that matters to One is training and Father’s opinion, and his siblings, too, but Six had to think about protecting all of them from _himself_ and his monsters, so he doesn’t think One would ever understand. While he has accidentally hurt them with his power, in the past, he has very good control over his strength, now, so he won’t hurt them again unless it’s on purpose.  
  
Six tries to sit up a bit and One helps him easily. The rag slips off his forehead and lands on his lap. He stares at it, rather than looking at his siblings. He sniffs noisily, and Mom wordlessly hands him a clean tissue and he smiles up at her for a moment, before looking back at his own lap again. “I,” he begins, and then he flushes red because he suddenly feels so foolish, not good enough at controlling his own power and having to keep himself sick in order to pretend he has control over the monsters, when really the monsters have control over him. “The Horror is calmer when I’m sick, and I wanted to keep being sick so that They would be calm forever,” he tells them, and gets ready for the laughs and the jokes and the disappointment.  
  
Instead, what he gets is a cool hand holding his own. He looks up, and he sees that it’s Five, who looks at all their siblings, and then looks at One for a bit, before looking at Six again. “Six, you’re our brother. The Horror is scary, but seeing you so sick is scarier than Them. So please don’t do it again,” he says, and soft Five is back and Six feels very lucky to have seen soft Five more than once in a day. Five looks a bit uneasy at showing his soft side, but he still smiles at him. “We are all strong enough to resist the Horror, so don’t worry about us. Just don’t scare us again. You’ll make Four cry,” he finishes, and Four slaps him on the arm, and then Six laughs at them, even if his throat hurts, and everyone else joins, and they’re fine and they’re happy and they don’t hate him and Six is going to get better and his family is awesome.  
  
While he recovers and has to take the bad medicine, all his siblings spend a lot of time with him, even if Mom warns them they might get sick too. Five reads him a book, Three combs his hair and changes the wet rag on his forehead, One tells him jokes he heard on the radio, Two is silent but holds his hand, Seven smiles and sings lullabies and Four hugs him and makes him laugh. The Horror slowly starts to wake up as he gets better, and They’re not angrier than before, they’re the same as always, and it’s a relief.  
  
Six is still afraid of the Horror, he’s still scared that They will hurt his siblings, but he also trusts them because they’re all strong and brave and maybe he’s a bit strong and brave, too, because even if he failed, he tried to protect all of them, and they still love him and don’t hate him, so it means he can’t be that big of a disappointment, and maybe Father is a bit wrong when he says he’s weak.  
  
The Horror moves around inside of him at the thought. They seem to agree with him. Six falls asleep to the tune of ancient voices singing to him, a small smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all I tried to mimic a kid's voice but sometimes that shit be hard cause I am very much not a kid and when I was a kid I did not speak English so English is a grown-up language for me okay so please forgive me for being a failure okay I TRIED


End file.
